I wish I could punch you in the face.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
