Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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