I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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