my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
