So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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