anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
