I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
