I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
