there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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