she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
