Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
