Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
