Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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