Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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