Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
