We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
