Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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