So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
