Tell her she can't have a vagina
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
