I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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