I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
