she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm jealous of your bromance
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
