I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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