Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
