Nicole vs. Life
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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