3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
