Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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