Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
