OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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