I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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