Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Houston, we have a blender
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Someone signed my nipple.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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