guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
