it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
