so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
