I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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