Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
