I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
