dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Operation Purity has been aborted
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
