Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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