You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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