some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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