Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
