Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
how drunk are you?
Several
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
