you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Barsexuality is the new black.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
