I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
