looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize