Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
