Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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