I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
