I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
