I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
